Season: 3 Episode: 030
Dean and Shanda talk about the importance of fathers in the lives of their children. What repercussions does a fatherless home have on society? Why do children need a father figure in their lives? What does God expect from a father in the lives of his children? We’ll talk about all of that today.
“If it takes one to make one, it takes one to raise one.”
“We can’t deceive ourselves thinking we don’t need two parents.”
“A lot of people and entities are playing the role of daddy so people think dads aren’t needed.”
“The role doesn’t sit empty. There’s someone there trying to fill that role.”
“The enemy did in Genesis what the world does today … he ignored the man.”
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Welcome back my friend, you are listening to episode 30, A Society Without Dads and I have my husband, Dean on the podcast again today because I want him to share his insight into this growing cultural trend in our society.
Before we get into that, I want to tell you about a fun giveaway we’re doing this week. If you share the podcast on your social media stories, we will put you into a drawing to win not one, but two Starbucks gift cards that you can share with either your baby daddy or your own daddy.
I know Father’s Day was yesterday, but who cares, right? Can’t we celebrate the great men in our lives ever day of the week? So, screenshot this episode and give a shout out to your favorite dad while tagging Shanda Fulbright on social media and we will pick a winner by Friday at noon.
Ok, without further ado, let’s get into today’s very important topic.
I want to start with the WHY of this episode.
(Dean, states the reason we need to talk about the impact fatherlessness plays on society).
If we don’t talk about why we need father figures and male role models today, we won’t truly understand their importance.
As we move forward in this episode, we are going to discuss:
- What are the effects of a fatherless society?
- What God’s word says about a father’s responsibility.
- The difference between a mother and father in parenting.
- What can we do as we move forward and what are Dean and I doing within our own community?
What are the effects of a fatherless society?
I preached a message on Father’s Day a few years back and did a lot of research for it and was shocked at the effects a fatherless home has on children, the community and society in general.
We don’t truly understand the effects fatherlessness has until we look at statistics. I always say we can deny God’s word all we want, but when we look at statistics we see the effects of living without the Word of God because statistics prove what’s really going on in society.
With that being said, we will get into what God’s word says about the responsibly of fathers in a bit, but let’s look at how fatherlessness impacts the home:
You can find these statistics at fatherhood.org. Focus on the Family will have podcast episodes and resources for this topic, as well as The Pew Research Forum. Look those up for yourself, I always say that to my listeners because I don’t want you to only take my word for it.
That’s the responsibility of each and every one of us … to make sure we do out own fact checking and research on all topics we face today.
So, here are some staggering statistics for you, again, taken from fatherhood.org.
1 in 4 children live without a father in the home. That’s 19.7 million children in the United States.
92% of parents in prison are fathers
Men with absent fathers are more likely to become absent fathers
In reverse, women with absent fathers are more likely to raise their children alone
Children without a father are:
4x greater to be in poverty
7x more likely to become pregnant as a teenager
More likely to have behavior problems
More likely to face abuse and neglect
Infant mortality rate of a child with no father is 2x greater than children with a father
More likely to go to prison
2x more likely to experience obesity
More likely to be involved in criminal activity
2x more likely to drop out of HS
The statistics are astounding and there isn’t a positive outcome to a fatherless home.
Over the years, we’ve seen an evolution of the “Dumbing Down Dad” image. Before our time, there was Leave It To Beaver, Happy Days and other shows where dads were smart, loving, and involved.
And then we carried it into The Cosby Show, Family Ties, and Growing Pains where dads were still part of the family and involved.
But somewhere around the 80’s, TV took a turn and introduced dumb dads with The Simpsons and Married With Children.
Fathers are seen in ads, the media and entertainment as clueless, second rate parents, and replaceable.
Matt Campbell, an administrator for Mensactivism.org, expressed his own concerns about the consequences of such media content.
“Negative general portrayals of fathers/husbands/men in TV commercials and sit-coms contributes to a decrease in men wanting to assume those roles in society, and creates the impression among others that men need not assume such roles anyway, because that such simply aren’t important.”
More men are becoming aware of this and fighting for men to be portrayed in a positive light.
Pew Research did a study in 2019 and said there are more stay-at-home dads now than ever before.
57% of fathers said they see parenting as central to their identity.
52% of dads say they have a hard time balancing work and family life.
76% of families feel the pressure of fathers to provide for their homes.
53% of people feel mothers do a better job taking care of the kids
63% of dads don’t feel like they’re doing enough
Researchers today say kids need masculine influence. Sometimes we don’t (especially women) see the importance of the male role model because we don’t here our culture advocating for the male role model in society.
Women get a lot of praise and recognition for motherhood … as they should. But, fathers do not get the same level of praise in society.
When we think of role models, we often think of celebrities, athletes, or high profiled people, but in reality, they’re not actively contributing the character building of children. That’s why father figures are important in a child’s life. Men who are actually present and can help shape that child into a man or woman. (We’ll get to more of how you can find a good role model for your child as we move on).
2) What does God’s word say about a father’s role and responsibility in the home?
We’re not just going to throw some bible verses at you today as to what God says to fathers.
As I said before, I was asked to preach on Father’s Day a few years ago, and I talked about how there’s a spiritual attack on the family unity and the enemy knows how to go for the strength of the family and that’s the men.
I believe mothers are the pillars of their homes. The family is held up in many ways by the wisdom and guidance of mothers, but the strength of the home is the father.
And that’s what I hope to show you from a biblical perspective today.
If you go back to Exodus Ch 1, you’ll see where Joseph died and the Hebrew people multiplied and became a great nation. The bible specifically says in verse 7, “But the sons of Israel were fruitful and increased greatly and multiplied, and became exceedingly mighty, so that the land was filled with them.”
A new king arose over Egypt and noticed the Hebrew people were growing mightily, and so he plotted against them and made them slaves. He increased their labor, but they continued to grow.
When that didn’t work, he decided to take the straw out of their bricks. And when that didn’t work, he resorted to having all of the midwives kill the male babies on the birthing stool.
Now, this is where I want to highlight the fact that the enemy strategically planned to weaken the people by killing the males.
If you go back to Genesis 3 (I’m telling you, we can find all the issues of life in Genesis 1-3), we see where the enemy sought to destroy the family unit when he sauntered into the garden and went straight to Eve.
He knew if he could get the woman to take the bait, the man would follow. And this is where war was declared on the family.
Dean and I talked about this a little on our podcast: A Man’s Man in A Woman’s World in episode 25.
A family is meant to multiply and a family cannot multiply without a mother and a father. We look at that only in reproduction and populating the earth, but that also means we multiply our influence in the home, in our community and in the earth by not only having kids, but by how we raise them.
Parents (mothers and fathers) are to teach their children about God, life, work ethic, wisdom (see the book of Proverbs which is written primarily for the young). We are to multiply in wisdom, knowledge and understanding.
That is our job as a parent. I was telling a family member the other day that Jesus called every Christian to make disciples of all nations. BUT … BUT … a big one that you must remember is that we are to make disciples of our children first.
Then enemy knows this. He knows and understands the power and influence of a family unit, so he destroys the family by hitting the heart of it … the father.
With the damaging statistics, how can we come back from this? How can we change the trajectory of the family unit and what is the man’s responsibility in all of this?
There’s a fantastic story in 1 Samuel 30 where David and his men were away and while they were away, their enemy, the Amalekites came and took their wives and their children.
The bible tells us that David and his men wept until they couldn’t weep anymore and finally David said, “Let’s ask God what we should do.”
And in verse 8, God said this, “Go after them. You will catch up to them, and you will rescue your families.”
It’s time for men to rise up and take back what the enemy has stolen. Easy to say, right?
The answer is how? First, men have to realize the effects their absence has on their wives, their children and society.
They will not realize this without stepping into the position God created them for and that means their hearts have to be in the right place.
This is a heart issue. So women, wives, mothers, pray for the men in your life to stand up and be the man. And pray for the ones who are standing up and standing for their families to also stand in the gap for the ones who have no father.
Ezekiel 22:30 says, “I looked for a man to stand in the gap … but I found no one.”
To stand in the gap means you stand in the part of the wall that exposes the city to the enemy, and you stand against the enemy in protection of others.
3) What is the difference between the way a mother parents and the way a father parents?
4) What can we do as we move forward and what are Dean and I doing within our community?
The first thing we should do when asking ourselves what can we do is to start at home and work our way out. I think a lot of times we think we have to do these grand gestures, but change starts at home and the ripples go out from there.
I’m giving you ideas from what we’ve done and what we’re currently doing because I want you to have practical ideas from ordinary people like us.
- Disciple your own kids and look around within their schools, their programs and amongst their friends. Where’s the need?
2) Our school has a Watch D.O.G.S. program that has dads come on campus and play with the kids, work in their classes and be a positive presence on campus. See if your school has one and if not, talk to admin about starting one to get dads involved.
3) ***Dean*** Adopt a child who needs a male role model. This doesn’t mean you have to legally adopt them, but take them under your wing, ask them to come over for family night, take them on your family vacations and teach them how to fish, play ball, etc. A positive male role model is very needed today.
4) Donate a scholarship to kids who don’t have a father in the home. You do not have to go create a scholarship fund on the internet to do this. Work with your local school district and their business office and they will put you in touch with a site manager to run your criteria through that person who works and knows the kids well. Since these kids are at risk of failing school, talk to the middle school or high school site counselor to help choose a child who needs support, encouragement and recognition and provide a scholarship to them to help them continue on in their education.
5) Pick a child up and take them to church with you. You don’t know what that means for kids whose parents aren’t involved in church. You can also send a kid to youth camp and give them an experience they may not normally get just by introducing them to Jesus.
To close up today’s show, I want to remind you that fatherlessness is a real problem in our country and true change is found in Christ. True and acceptable religion in the sight of God is to take care of the widows and the orphans.
It is in Dean and my heart to bring awareness to fatherlessness in our country and as Christians, we should be advocating for children who need a father in their homes and standing in the gap for the ones who don’t have that experience.
Thanks for hanging in their with us today and we will catch you on the next one!